 |
||||
|
||||
|
|
Prayer for You
|
Anti-Resolutions for 2002
This Year, I Will Not. . .ANTI-Resolutions for 2002 Compiled by newsletter editor Gretchen Giles As is his wont, this year Rob asked what your anti-resolutions were for the new page of the calendar. What weird habits, he wondered, do you promise to cultivate in 2002? Which boring traditions will you thumb your nose at, paving the way for exciting encounters with strange attractors? Our newsletter readers never shirk a bit of homework, even at the holidays. A sampling of your answers glow below. For example, RON whispers, "This year, I resolve to stay out until odd hours looking for chaos and flirting with people who look like they'd put me through the wringer." Whilst DOREE reasons, "The year 20-02 speaks to us of the duality inherent in all things. For this glorious year, I intend to cast off the two- and four-letter words that have been cramping my style, stifling my voice, and halting my steps for far too long. Farewell to 'no,' 'can't,' and 'won't,' you demon Bluebeards of my psyche! This is the year to set impossible goals, dream improbable dreams, love unattainable loves. With my demons banished, who knows what sprites and fairies of fortune will fill the resulting gaps?" And LULU offers a top 10 list, responding, "I resolve to communicate in the following new and exciting ways: "1. I will say a person's name and look them in the eye when I say hello to them. "2. I will have regular discussions with my six-month-old niece, speaking in her language only. "3. I will tell my plants how much I love them every day. "4. I will sing along with the muzak in public places, and not under my breath but loud enough for people to hear me. "5. I will shamelessly use an excessive amount of smiley faces and emoticons in all my written communication. "6. I will employ outdated slang whenever possible. "7. I will make words out of the sounds that come out of me while gargling and belching. "8. I will come up with a new penname as often as I change my passwords. "9. I will listen to my joy-shivers. "10. I will tell my story." While CHRIS has just one-fifth the resolve, noting, "Two things; one nice, one not: "1) Profusely thank anyone who helps me succeed in any way, large or small. And congratulate them profusely on their successes. "2) Walk away from anyone who can't succeed or won't succeed with any amount of help. In other words: give short shrift to idiots." NEV seems to Jones in her diary, declaring: "1. To enjoy one satisfying meal a day even if it is a full-calorie BLT with slab bacon, full strength mayo and romaine lettuce on big pumpernickel bread! "2.To buy one new garment each paycheck even if I don't weigh 130! "3.To love me in the throes of frustrated road rage and use only creative expletives! "4. To speak to that dangerous-but-handsome stranger in the Starbucks or the grocery store. "5. To take the mis-start drawings from last year and finish them just in case they are more inspired than I could recognize in the past, and to accept them when they fail. "6. To enjoy my room in its messy state and be unashamedly me in there, maybe even invite some one other than my family in. (See #4.) "7. Pray for cash." And ROWAN solemnly vows, "I hereby resolve: * "To get even more publicly pagan than I was last year. * "To deny my children 'everything,' and to give them what they need instead. * "To eat a food I don't like at least once every couple weeks. * "To drive to work a different way every morning. * "To throw out boxes I haven't opened since I moved three years ago without looking through them item-by-item." EMMA will show her dexterity in a number of creative ways, beginning with a "vow to gnaw on my toenails -- my fingernails if they happen to more accessible at the time -- read only the books I want to and none of the ones the stifling administration says I have to; walk my dog in that guy's lawn who always walks his Great Dane on mine (because, like it or not, I do have the need to get revenge on him); play in the snow until my toes turn a lovely shade of blue; and to have as much fun with the New Year as is humanly possible. I vow not to exercise, to gain a minimum of 10 pounds, and to not cut my hair until it gets so annoying I am left with no other choice." JAMIE resolves more smart tomfoolery, writing, "I vow that in 2002 I will teach my children to develop at least one fashion quirk that will have all their friends and classmates befuddled. (Is that major dweeb or is it cool?) I will compose a monthly poem and send if off anonymously in some way -- in a bottle on the seas, left on a grocery check stand, mailed to a random person picked from the phonebook, etc. And I will strive to do nothing just because it labels me a 'good person.'" MUDNYMPH slings, "I will fall hopelessly, madly, in love with my latest personal elaborations, and advertise these psychological rococo ruffles with busy acts of creative chutzpah, as many as my little heart and soul can muster to mold out of the world around me. I will indulge my ever-present procrastination episodes on the condition that I produce at least one constructive, intelligible and helpful piece of purtiness per day -- one that that reaches out to the needs of others as well as my own, like a iridescent sea creature tentacle reaching out of the murky waters of my Piscean head to tap someone shyly on the shoulder." "I, Christopher, being of somewhat questionable mind and body hereby declare that my 2002 be filled with the following anti-resolutions," writes, um, CHRISTOPHER. "I will not let my friends involve me in their dramas -- I have enough of my own and I deserve the spotlight for once. I will continue to fight the patriarchy by being the Teacher's Assistant for a Myth Magic Mystery course, challenging fellow students to think for themselves, dig deeper, and find the radical truths. I will not let my feet touch the ground preferring to walk amongst the stars and the clouds. My hands will never sit still for they will be manifesting the dreams of my soul as I build a home with two friends equally committed to creating Magickal, Sacred, and Playful living space." ANNETTE stirs the stars and stripes by relating, "If I see another flag flying on a car antenna or stuck to a window, I will surely throw up. I have already begun to go against the flow. At the post office the other day [I] went to purchase stamps and the good man behind the counter pulled out the ones with the flags. Utter silence fell when I said rather distinctly: 'I'll take anything BUT the flag.'. . . Was it Einstein who is known for this quote: 'Nationalism is the measles of mankind'? I think it was him -- and I agree." KARA wails, "This year I (Anti-) resolve to start ignoring all those one-liners in my head that dissuade me from taking that initial step towards my dreams, and also resolve to stop helping my nice cut guy friends get dates with OTHER girls, DAMMIT!" "I vow to find more opportunities to be naked," SALLY confides. "I will seek out chances to make a fool of myself in order to discover new ways to have fun. I will place more trust in my own sense of taste, having discovered that a sunset colored bedroom is EXACTLY what I wanted (so THERE to all those who suggested it might be 'too much'). I promise to spend more time in my garden, talking to the plants. I will finish reading the complete works of Gilbert and Sullivan (a treat best savored in small bites) and attend a performance of their work. I will give more smiles to strangers. And I vow to remain open to possibility and to give myself to at least one new, mind-blowing, life-affirming adventure each year, going some place and doing some thing that I have never done before, thereby defying all the purple-tinged voices of fear that suggest I'd be better off staying 'safe' at home." While LOVEBUNNY declares her intention to still her monkey mind by "stop sucking up to power. I want to stop looking good, being smart, and on time. I am sick to death of the life-stealing frenzy of city life with all of its rush-rush-rush. I plan to stop and smile at the grocery check-out clerk. I plan to leave my mind alone. I plan to be me. And f--k 'em if they can't take a joke! Oh, and one more thing: I will perfect negative capability. I shall dance in the void of non-action until such time as life comes to get me and presents me with the perfect solutions to all my problems, solutions that are now inconceivable since they come from my busy mental mind." RAY's got just three thoughts, and here they are: "1. I resolve to always do the right thing, even at the job. The temptation at work is to do the expedient thing. But that's not always the right thing, and I want to do that. "2. I resolve to continue to be weird. I resolve to read comic books, listen to strange music, watch strange movies, and do strange things. "3. I resolve to love my girlfriend, my friend, my life-partner, my buddy, my crazysexycool lover. I prayed to the gods and goddesses above for someone like her but got her instead, and she's much better." And finally, DANIELLE offers this nice long chatty note. Believe it or not, "Last year, I successfully taught my one-year-old daughter to swear, helped my mother declare her independence, shook up the world, and forgot all about it the next day, just as I said I would -- so, what should I do for a follow up? "My daughter is two now, surely I can teach her some other non-gratifying trick, like how to smoke, drink, and sing the blues at bars -- but she's starting to get smart now, she probably already KNOWS all those things. Maybe she can teach me?. . . Speaking of the my husband, I plan on doing a thing or two about him, too. I plan on making him a rugged beat poet who makes a habit of drinking too much coffee, so that he matches me and my friends. He doesn't get us artist sorts, being an engineer-in-training. . . . As for me, I plan on being a bohemian singer protesting violence, oppression, and the improper use of cheese, not to mention false leaders of the world who say they know best for their people, yet refuse to feed them. I plan on making no money at this task, yet being able to live off the good will of others because it is so much fun to travel the world living and learning the customs of different families, and as a guest people are treated better than if they are in their own homes. . . . I would rather live that way so that I can concentrate on my writing career rather than worrying about housework and husband maintenance -- and the extra money that my daughter would make singing in bars will allow me to afford an au pair to take care of her. . . ." |
|||
© 1995-2008 -- Rob Brezsny. All rights reserved
|
||||