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Prayer for You
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2002 First Quarter Check-In
Q1First quarter check-in Compiled by Idle Hands Rob recently asked his newsletter readership to spend a second considering how the first three months of 2002 have flown. What lessons, he wondered, have you learned so far this year? As always, your amazing breadth of sage smarts astounds. AMANDA starts us off with this amazing blast of pure wisdom: "As a kid, I found true love in the form of my lunchbox: a 12" high, 8" long pea-green filing box. For three years, kids went out of their way to make fun of it, and teachers (perhaps in a well-meaning bid to protect me from bullies) told me it was inappropriate, day after day. I continued to love it. One day, my mom slipped a photocopy of [Max Ehrmann's] Desiderata in my lunchbox. "As I read it at lunch, defiantly sitting (admittedly alone) with my filing box, my favorite line was, 'You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.' It is a lesson that every eight-year old knows by heart, but one that can so easily be forgotten. I still carry the photocopy with me, and I find that each year I am learning or relearning a part of 'Desiderata's many lessons. "Last year, I went placidly amidst the noise and haste and tried desperately to remember what peace there may be in silence. I learned to speak my truth quietly and clearly, and (hurray!) dropped one loud and aggressive person who was definitely a vexation to my spirit. This year, I have already been reminded several times not to compare myself with others. It is surprisingly easy to become vain or bitter. I have relearned that many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. I am cheerful. I am striving to be happy. I have seen --as has everyone -- that the world is full of trickery, but I am trying not to lose sight of what virtue there is, because many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Indeed. May this be our collective lesson: that we are ALL children of the universe, no less than the trees and stars." CHERIE reports, "I would say that the most important lesson I have learned so far this year is to forget about the past and live for the future. The last relationship I was in was abusive and I have now moved on and realized not all men are abusive -- waiting patiently." BOZO DE CLOWN responds faithfully, "The most important lesson I have learned in the first quarter of this year is undoubtedly HOPE, which, to me, is faith without evidence. The things that I need in this journey through life are either put in my path, by the Divine Oneness in all things, or the desire is created for me to be aware of, look for, and seek out the need. The long lesson of discerning 'want' from 'need' has culminated in the contentment of 'enough.' By being a pretty good guy, the creator will always provide me with enough. This does not mean that the lessons are over, however, having survived the last 39 months, especially the last three, where everything in my life has been rendered asunder, inside out, and upside down (we're not in Kansas anymore, Toto), only to come to rest much better off, more aware, assured, confident, locked, loaded, ready to rock 'n' roll, travelling lighter to new horizons, new adventures, all the previous bullshit matured into primo composted manure to fertilize future dreams, HOPE stares me in the face like my own reflection in the mirror." SALLY has learned that "there are some truly amazing people out there in all kinds of disguises." And MEGDA shares that she has "finally learned that the only thing I can trust is my intuition. Now if I could learn to turn a deaf ear to my brain." JAMIE is educated on the notion that "I've been stuck in the idea that there is no future at all as far as money is concerned. A sneaky little pervasive thought has bollixed up all my computations with the idea that if I don't spend it now it will be gone. This underlying philosophy has been tripping me up all my life, while filling my existence with a combination of lovely but often unwanted things and a recurring sense of urgency and impending doom. Now that I've become aware of this thought, I have let it go. Whoa. I suddenly see a future that has money and that ever-elusive security in it. I seriously never have before. I thought people were strangely fortunate and somehow in some other dimension who owned houses or businesses. That was not for me. But there's no reason it isn't for me now. New territory that will take some time to groove into like a new job. I like it. And, of course, it's just what I asked the Universe for." While G.S. confides, "The other day, a friend with whom I have recently become very close asked me, 'What is it that you have come to teach me?' We were both waiting tables at the time in a cafe. I was surprised and stopped dead in my tracks. No one had ever asked me that before. This year began what I believed to be the worst in my life. My wedding was cancelled in September, my new-found religion and refuge proved to be just humans fundamentally mucking up a beautiful teaching by Buddha, the love of my life was on the other side of the world, I thought that I had ADD, hypoglycemia, a slow thyroid, depression, colon troubles, and to top it all off, I was living what I most feared: moving back to Dallas, Texas, to live with my parents at age 26. "There were actually moments where I really wanted out. I was escorted by my little inner child to all that I had ever feared. Funny thing is, I have learned more about myself swimming in my darkest of fears than I can say I learned my entire life. So, back to my friend asking what I was to teach her. I replied, 'It is not what I am to teach you, but what I want to learn. I would like to learn unconditional love of myself so that I can feel that unconditional love for others. This year of having to live within my fears and choose life has started that long journey into unconditional love for self. That which is never defined, but always beautiful." "What I have learned is that you must absolutely try things that you want to try, most especially if these things are quite feasible, local, and affordable," reasons BETH. "Try to think of it as taste-testing life. The sense of accomplishment and clarity these little missions can give is priceless -- especially if it is an idea all your own, a solo feat. Mainly, although it is normal and understandable quite a lot of the time, non-involvement and action in one's own life is truly heartbreaking. This is for all of those who have a lot going on in their head but are a wee bit too afraid and insecure to do anything. I read something that said that confidence does not conjure courage, but courage (action) conjures confidence, and this, I think, is true." And KELLY reports, "It is hard to say what the one most important thing I have learned so far this year is. My life seems crammed with a great quantity of blessings and curses. Each of them have a distinct personality, and they all take turns acting as spirit guides, leading me through the maze of Manhattan to a higher ground, which at the moment is in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. From Mr. Chemo, I have learned that I don't control the entire universe, or at least the part that doles out death and disease and misery. From the phantom in my computer, I learned that just because the truth is as plain as Kansas is flat doesn't mean that anyone, especially myself, will see it dancing inches in front of their noses. From my old friend Gus from Texas, I learned for the millionth time that listening to Tom Waits late at night with an old friend is an excellent way to worship all the great spirits in this cathedral of a world. From Gomez, I learned how fantastic it is to leave a job of one's own volition. And from my alien princess, I learned how to face the darkness, to peer into the unknown and continue. I guess what I've learned is that, like Joni Mitchell, I really don't know clouds, love, or life at all; but also that, like Joe Walsh, life's been good to me so far." CHICKEN EXECUTIVE OFFICER clucks, "So far the most important thing I have learned in 2002 is that the universe lets you know when it is time to take a vacation by having not a single one of the 30 or so people a day you call or e-mail respond until the next week. (Including the good percentage of the ones who know you are going to give them money.) I only wish I had seen the signs earlier, I would have more time by the water working on my tan." CHAZ is now wiser to the fact that he or she has "finally learned to trust: Trust in myself, trust my judgements, trust in my friends -- but above all, trust in the universe/ higher power, for want of a better word. And God it's good. A new-found confidence and warmth fills me from knowing that I can trust. I have been trying to do this for years. I finally gave up on trying, and surprise, surprise -- it just happened!" MUCCALLA sagely whispers, "The most important lesson I've learned this year so far has two parts: 1) Listen. 2) Never assume that people don't appreciate what you do, even if they don't tell you." KATE responds, "Even though both my parents have been dead for many years, they still lurk somewhere in my mind, feeding me the same old line. So I've told them to retire to the sun, taking their ideals with them. Oh, and take the dusters and the polish too -- I need a bit of dirt in my life!" EMG writes, "In my job I thought I was poised to save the world. I thought that they would hold ticker-tape parades in my honor. What I have come to learn is that it doesn't work that way. I don't swoop in and save the world. Instead, I work gradually to change people's attitudes and perceptions, which very slowly begins to change their values. Once their values change, it is just a short hand-held leap to get them to act. My ticker-tape parade became the moment when a non-believer spoke up in a meeting in favor of doing what is right for the Earth." JVI wonders, "Nothing ventured, nothing gained. 2002 has begun in a way that makes me anticipatory in a way I didn't know I could be anymore. I met someone online, through an adult Web site of all places. He wasn't my type and had just e-mailed me because he thought me funny and literate. We began to exchange e-mails, then ICQ, then long chats on the cell all night. Less than four months later I will meet him for the first time, at least on a physical plane, as he says goodbye to his family to move from North Carolina to Los Angeles with me. . . . "We have both been in horrific relationships, the ones where you find out about your love's marriage to someone else in the Sunday New York Times. We have both been way too guilty of offering our hearts and selves to people who didn't deserve it. We both spent years crawling out of serious depressions and know now how low we can go and still live. We have become the strong talkative types who know the worst about the world and go on in spite of it. There was such a huge risk in taking that step, in letting down your guard yet once again to someone who might hurt you. Now I can talk to him like I can talk to my mom and he can tell me the things that would make a lesser woman run screaming. He pushes my buttons to show me that I can be emotional with him and he will not run away. I have always wanted to find someone who is my mental, emotional, and moral equal and I did. 2002 has already shown me what I can get if I try, if I let myself be true with as little fear as possible." And SARAH shines, "I cannot count the things I have learned this year so far. I was married in October and after four months of marital bliss, my husband was sent overseas for a job he is desperately attempting to escape. After suffering in loneliness and despair for two weeks, I woke up one morning and said, 'Hmmm. I wonder what's next,' and promptly got on with figuring out what I will be doing with the rest of my life. I've learned that even the hardest workers need permission to take a break once in a while. I've learned that your truest teachers will speak to your heart when they're not around, or even alive anymore. I've learned that families will be who they are, regardless of any wishes you may have to alter their behavior. I've learned that the journey you take to try and escape your fate can be as interesting as the fate itself (inevitable though it may be). I've learned to ask for what I want -- it's the first step toward actually getting it. I've learned to hold my face up to the sun, and claim the warmth as my birthright." While KLAH shouts, "I have learned so far in 2002 that bulb gardening is an amazing adventure; that love is a great and wondrous thing, but does not conquer all unless both parties are really willing; that birds soaring on the wind with outstretched wings is wondrous (especially if viewed from one's office); and that its really hard to answer the question 'How are you doing?' when the main thing going on in your life is marvelous personal spiritual growth." HYPATIA admits, "The most important thing I've learned in the first part of 2002 is that have I to take time to recover from my life. I ended 2001 pretty sure that I hated graduate school, but once I learned that I need time to relax constructively, this semester I am feeling much better. I am even beginning to enjoy it." And NED responds, "The most important lesson I'm still learning, and will no doubt continue to having lessons in for a long time to come, to get in touch with my feelings. I tend to over-think, and over-explain, and generally lose track of what I actually feel. So I've started yelling when I feel like yelling and laughing when I feel like laughing, and generally getting it all out in the open. And sometimes I don't know whether I want to hit everything or hug it, hate it or love it! Feelings, so confusing for my ordered approach to life, but I'm learning how to balance in this new world. Still learning." BRON THE BOD is also still learning, explaining, "The most important lesson that I have learned in 2002 is to listen to MYSELF! Really listen to what I really want. In listening I learned that I am indecisive and my indecisiveness comes from avoidance of something that my heart calls out for and that avoidance comes from two things: 1. an old idea that what I want is too much and/or does not matter; 2. what I want is not necessarily safe or easy, but it's right. "By listening to myself, I broke up with my boyfriend of seven years after many years of denying the fact that he was not right for me. (We make excellent friends by the way. We hang out all the time! It's better than ever and we both know it.) By listening to myself, I realized I now have to move again -- second time this year, third time in 11 months (since the breakup). Currently I am living with a gal who has been a friend for 10 years. The place is great, a view, hard wood floors, cute, in a great neighborhood in Seattle, but it is too small [and] very very dark and right off the living room. But I kept trying to convince myself that it's a good place to live and I should want to live here just like in my relationship to my ex! When I realized this, well wow, I talked with Meg, my wonderful roomy and friend and she really supported me in going for what I want (after suggesting I get an art studio instead and stay here). God, what a great learning experience." CATHERINE responds, "I have learned how important parents are in the spiritual/psychological development of their children. I have learned that no matter how much I try to break away, the core and foundation of my being has been hugely affected by my parents. I've learned that I can be quite fragile and that I need to take care of myself because of this. I have seen an example of a healthy family and so I know ways to do things differently than the way I was taught. I hope to learn more and more as I go along and have the happy home life I didn't have as a child." And finally: "My Uterine Detection Device is marvelous at ascertaining men with mean streaks, determining chi vampires, and sniffing out bullies of my funky soul," reports GAILEE. "I have in the past disregarded her inside wisdom and have gotten involved with unhealthy men. Well lo and behold! In January 2002 I listened to her advice! And although that man and me were very worldly in bed (the stamina of that man!) he was, after all, inherently an asshole. And although I was horny and lonely, I told him to go away. Thank you UDD!" |
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© 1995-2008 -- Rob Brezsny. All rights reserved
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