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Prayer for You
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Funkypagantantric Love Spells®
1. While standing in a mud puddle and hugging yourself, dissolve a four-leaf clover on your tongue and visualize yourself riding piggyback on the one you love. 2. Draw a picture of copulating hummingbirds on a dollar bill and then tape it to a road sign on a street with a sexy name. 3. While standing on top of a mobile home wearing all red clothes, hurl a hot dog in a bun as far as you can as you shout out the name of your beloved. 4. Using green food dye, write your initials and those of your beloved on a cake, then bury it in the woods along with your favorite book from childhood. 5. Watch cloud formations until you spy one that looks like mating horses, then blow a giant kiss in that direction. 6. Become a great listener. Cultivate in yourself the exact qualities you're so attracted to in others. Determine your chosen one's most important goal and figure out how you can help achieve it. 7. Prick a fig with a pin 13 times as you murmur the words "sex laugh," then sleep with the fig under your left armpit. 8. Forget all about trying to glom on to your perfect mate and instead make yourself into a perfect mate. 9. Kiss a roll of caps that you bought in the toy section of the drug store, then say this prayer aloud: "Dear Goddess: Show me how to use one of my imperfections to arouse and amuse." 10. Chugalug a glass of pomegranate juice as you shout out the following magic mantra, first as it's written, then backwards. Evol dliw rof yticapac ruoy gnidnapxe won era dereffus sah traeh ruoy sdnuow eht lla. 11. Steal these ads! The personal ads here have been scientifically designed by Rob Brezsny to attract potential partners who are committed to the art of compassionate lust and lusty compassion. If you're a SBM or a DWF or a WWW or an SAM or any other acronmyn who WLTM a soul mate, a play mate, or an inmate for a LTR or just one session of soulless sex, you're invited to plagiarize these for your own use. Put 'em in your local newspaper! And let us know how it all comes out. Happy Heart Day! 12. To bask in a radical re-examination of loving lust, check out Rob's story, "Sex Tips for the Very Plain." 13. Take Me Back to Rob's Personals! |
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© 1995-2008 -- Rob Brezsny. All rights reserved
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