Prayer for Us

Pronoia Therapy

Prayer Warriors Standing By

Listen to Rob's Expanded Audio Horoscopes, updated weekly.

This is how he cooks up fresh monikers:

Use the first letter of the victim's first name to determine his NEW first name:

a = stinky b = lumpy c = buttercup
d = gidget e = crusty f = greasy
g = fluffy h = cheeseball i = chim-chim
j = poopsie k = flunky l = booger
m = pinky n = zippy o = goober
p = doofus q = slimy r = loopy
s = snotty t = falafel u = dorkey
v = squeezit w = oprah x = skipper
y = dinky z = zsa-zsa

Use the first letter of the victim's last name to determine the first half of his NEW last name:

a = diaper b = toilet c = giggle
d = bubble e = girdle f = barf
g = lizard h = waffle i = cootie
j = monkey k = potty l = liver
m = banana n = rhino o = burger
p = hamster q = toad r = gizzard
s = pizza t = gerbil u = chicken
v = pickle w = chuckle x = tofu
y = gorilla z = stinker

Use the last letter of the victim's last name to determine the second half of his NEW last name:

a = head b = mouth c = face
d = nose e = tush f = breath
g = pants h = shorts i = lips
j = honker k = butt l = brain
m = tushie n = chunks o = hiney
p = biscuits q = toes r = buns
s = fanny t = sniffer u = sprinkles
v = kisser w = squirt x = humperdinck
y = brains z = juice

Thus, for example, George Bush's new name is Fluffy Toiletshorts. Ralph Nader is Loopy Rhinogizzard. Al Gore is Stinky Lizardgirdle. What's yours?