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Horoscopes for week of November 9, 2006

Verticle Oracle card Aries (March 21-April 19)
When George W. Bush replaced Bill Clinton as U.S. president, Bush's advisor Karl Rove decided to take extraordinary measures in cleansing the White House of the previous occupants' energy. Rove was especially obsessed with banishing the "evil spirits" in Hillary Clinton's office, which is why he summoned three Catholic priests to perform an exorcism. I urge you to do something equally vivid in order to purge the lingering vibes of people and things that you know are no good for you, Aries. Remember, though, that this has nothing to do with perpetrating revenge or harm. It's all about cleansing and reprogramming those parts of you that are still emotionally entangled with the bad influences.


My DAILY TEXT MESSAGE HOROSCOPES are short, sweet bursts of illumination delivered seven days a week to your cell phone or mobile device.

My EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES are weekly spoken-word reports on your destiny. They're three to four minutes long.

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If you're typical, your natural curiosity was virtually extinguished at an early age by mediocre teachers, boring lessons, and oppressive classrooms. Have you ever wondered what your life would be like if your imagination hadn't been squelched? What interesting adventures might you have sought out if your natural love of learning hadn't been crushed?

Let's launch a quest to undo the damage. Imagine I've handed you an undiploma: your official release from the soul-death of your formal education; the beginning of the healing of your wounded love of learning. What's the first thing you'll do to invoke a steady stream of inspired teachers and invigorating lessons?
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.



 
  Verticle Oracle card Taurus (April 20-May 20)
Early in his film career, actor Oliver Hardy often played the parts of bad guys. But when he joined with Stan Laurel to collaborate on their series of comedic movies, he became a likable buffoon. I predict you'll soon be the beneficiary of a comparable conversion, Taurus. Some troubling or adversarial influence in your life will become warmer and fuzzier, maybe even downright helpful and amusing. The psychological term for a conversion this dramatic is enantiodromia. It refers to the process whereby something changes into its opposite. It won't be as freakish as it might initially appear. The unexpected transformation will be the result of an organic process.


My DAILY TEXT MESSAGE HOROSCOPES are short, sweet bursts of illumination delivered seven days a week to your cell phone or mobile device.

My EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES are weekly spoken-word reports on your destiny. They're three to four minutes long.

*

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The Beauty and Truth Laboratory is coming to you live from your repressed memory of paradise, reminding you that all of creation loves you very much.

Even now, secret allies are cooking up mysteries that will excite you and incite you for years to come.

Even now, the earth and sun are collaborating to make sure you have all you need to make your next move.

But here's the loaded question: Are you willing to start loving life back with an equal intensity? The adoration it offers you has not exactly been unrequited, but there is room for you to be more demonstrative.

Half of the art of pronoia is about being improvisationally receptive to life's elaborate scheme to shower you with blessings. The other half is about learning to be a co-conspirator who assists life in doling out blessingsóto help everyone else get exactly what they need, exactly when they need it.

Visualize yourself being able to recognize the raw truth about the people you care about, seeing how they already embody the beauty their souls' codes have promised as well as how they still fall short of embodying that beauty. Imagine yourself being able to make them feel appreciated even as you inspire them to risk changes that will activate more of their souls' codes.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.



 
  Verticle Oracle card Gemini (May 21-June 20)
My colleague Ro Loughran has an interesting theory about astrology. She starts with the hypothesis that some version of reincarnation is true. Then she proposes that in each lifetime, a soul chooses a particular astrological sign because the qualities of that sign are what the soul wants to learn about. In other words, being born a Gemini doesn't mean you're automatically a wizard at being a Gemini. On the contrary, in this lifetime you've become a Gemini in order to master the art of being one. You're here to get the hang of what it's like to be smart and versatile and precise and witty. Your assignment is to keep yourself endlessly entertained and build a strong center of gravity as you juggle a variety of activities and ideas and friends. This week is a perfect time to meditate on how lucky you are to have been given this gift, and to recommit yourself to using it to the fullest.


My DAILY TEXT MESSAGE HOROSCOPES are short, sweet bursts of illumination delivered seven days a week to your cell phone or mobile device.

My EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES are weekly spoken-word reports on your destiny. They're three to four minutes long.

*

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The dangers of excessive politeness are perfectly exemplified in the medieval legend of Parzival, Arthur's purest knight. His quest for the Holy Grail leads him to a castle where he is welcomed by a wounded lord. At dinner, a mysterious bowl captivates Parzival's attention. He's dying to know more about it, but he holds his tongue. His training as a knight has taught him that it's uncourteous to express too much curiosity.

Tragically, he doesn't realize that he has arrived at the very place where his quest could be satisfied. The wounded lord is actually the fisher king, the marvelous bowl is the Grail, and he is being presented with a magical test. The test consists of a simple task: to ask about the bowl. Because Parzival fails to do so, the king doesn't reveal the secret and doesn't give him the Grail.

The next morning, Parzival wakes up to find the castle empty, and he leaves having missed the very opportunity he wanted most.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.



 
  Verticle Oracle card Cancer (June 21-July 22)
If you're ever in your life going to be hired to model underwear or get invited by a magazine to expound on your love-making secrets, it will happen soon. If you ever thought it might be fun to see what might happen if you tried to hypnotize someone with your animal magnetism or seduce someone with your telepathic magic, give it a go now. If you've been waiting for the perfect moment to gather rosary beads, the Torah, a Buddhist prayer wheel, a five-pointed silver star, and a statue of the Hindu goddess Shakti, and then unleash a sexy prayer for your supreme dream in the direction of every deity that might listen, this would be a good time.


My DAILY TEXT MESSAGE HOROSCOPES are short, sweet bursts of illumination delivered seven days a week to your cell phone or mobile device.

My EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES are weekly spoken-word reports on your destiny. They're three to four minutes long.

*

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Notice how you feel as you speak the following: "The strong, independent part of me resisted the embarrassing truth for a long time, but I finally came to accept that I'm someone who craves vast amounts of love. Ever since I surrendered to this need, it doesn't nag me all the time, as it used to. In fact, it feels comforting, like a source of sweetness that doesn't go away. I never thought I'd say this, but I've come to treasure the feeling of having a voracious yearning to be loved."
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.



 
  Verticle Oracle card Leo (July 23-August 22)
The time is right to send out a big "Hey!" and "Thank you!" to all the little voices in your head. Start with the still, small voice that's always ready to provide concise responses to the ingenious questions you come up with. But please also acknowledge every one of the other little voices as well--even the crabby, reactive naysayer that's forever on the lookout for insults to your dignity, however tiny or unintentional; even the worrywart that wakes you up in the middle of the night to pester you with doubts and fears. Love all the little voices in your head, Leo. Celebrate their vitality, their persistence, their attentiveness. You're lucky to have such a zealous group of advisors, even if all but one of them are off the mark a lot of the time.


My DAILY TEXT MESSAGE HOROSCOPES are short, sweet bursts of illumination delivered seven days a week to your cell phone or mobile device.

My EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES are weekly spoken-word reports on your destiny. They're three to four minutes long.

*

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Receptivity is not a passive state. Nor is it a blank, empty waiting around for whatever happens to come along. In urging you to cultivate receptivity, I don't mean you should become a lazy do-nothing bereft of goals, reacting blindly to whatever life throws in front of you. Receptivity is a robust readiness to be surprised and moved; a vigorous intention to be awake to everything you can't control. When you're receptive in the pronoiac style, you have strong ideas and a powerful will and an eagerness to disseminate your unique blessings, but you're also animated by the humble certainty that you have a lot to learn.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.


 
  Verticle Oracle card Virgo (August 23-September 22)
Sometimes, Virgo, you're too damn smart for your own good. You may describe a problem so brilliantly, for instance, that you think you've solved it merely by talking about it, and never get around to actually fixing it. On other occasions your fine mind runs amuck in an orgy of razor-sharp analysis, cutting things apart in order to understand them but not putting them back together again. I beg you not to indulge in these excesses during the coming week. Your intelligence will be soaring beyond even its usual exceptional levels, and it would be a shame for you not to capitalize on it momentously.


My DAILY TEXT MESSAGE HOROSCOPES are short, sweet bursts of illumination delivered seven days a week to your cell phone or mobile device.

My EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES are weekly spoken-word reports on your destiny. They're three to four minutes long.

*

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Whatever you choose to focus your attention on, you will get more of it. If you often think of everything you lack and how sad you are that you don't have it, you will tend to receive prolific evidence of how true that is. As you obsess on all the ways your life is different from what you wish it would be, you will become an expert in rousing feelings of frustration and you will attract experiences that assist you in rousing frustration.

If, on the other hand, you dwell on the good things you have already had the privilege to experience, you will expand your appreciation for their blessings, which in turn will amplify their beneficent impact on your life. You will also magnetize yourself to receive further good things, making it more likely that they will be attracted into your sphere. At the very least, you will get in the habit of enjoying yourself no matter what the outward circumstances are.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.



 
  Verticle Oracle card Libra (September 23-October 22)
"Dear Rob: Most of the Librans I know, including me, are adept at creating opportunities and generating energy out of humbling experiences, which they seem to have plenty of. But is it too much to ask that we might someday come into contact with bright new possibilities that emerge from empowering experiences? Just wondering. -Overly Patient Libra." Dear Overly Patient: Funny you should bring this up. According to my analysis of the astrological omens, you're due to receive an unexpected gift that will prime your ambitions. To encourage its arrival, I suggest you ask clearly and playfully for a boisterous inspiration that will fuel your lusty courage.


My DAILY TEXT MESSAGE HOROSCOPES are short, sweet bursts of illumination delivered seven days a week to your cell phone or mobile device.

My EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES are weekly spoken-word reports on your destiny. They're three to four minutes long.

*

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Evil is boring. The universe is friendly. Life is on your side. Joy is your birthright.
Cynicism is idiotic. Fear is a bad habit. Despair is lazy. In fact, all of creation wants you to succeed.
Act as if the universe is a prodigious miracle created for your amusement and illumination. Assume that secret helpers are working behind the scenes to assist you in turning into the gorgeous masterpiece you were born to be. Retrain your senses and intellect so youíre able to perceive the fact that life always gives you exactly what you need, exactly when you need it.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.


 
  Verticle Oracle card Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
"Talent hits a target no one else can hit," said German philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer. "Genius hits a target no one else can see." That could and should apply to you, Scorpio, at least during the month of November. I believe that you have a heightened ability to access special talents that have been partially dormant up till now. If you summon the gall to be almost crazily confident, you'll soon be scoring bull's-eyes on targets that no one else can see, let alone hit.


My DAILY TEXT MESSAGE HOROSCOPES are short, sweet bursts of illumination delivered seven days a week to your cell phone or mobile device.

My EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES are weekly spoken-word reports on your destiny. They're three to four minutes long.

*

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Where exactly does happiness come from? That's the riddle posed by David Meyers and Ed Diener in their article, "The Science of Happiness," published in The Futurist magazine. I invite you to write your own answers to their question. Map out the foundations of your own science of happiness. Get serious about defining what makes you feel good. What specific experiences arouse your deepest gratification? Physical pleasure? Seeking the truth? Being a good person? Contemplating the meaning of life? Enjoying the fruits of your accomplishments? Purging pent-up emotion?
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.



 
  Verticle Oracle card Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
Your soul's epic journey is in the midst of a plot twist that's so complicated and beautiful, it would be impossible to exhaust our discussion about its meaning. But I have to start somewhere, so here goes. Among the many opportunities you now have, these are among the most spectacular: (1) the possibility of making your existing problems more interesting than they've ever been; (2) the possibility of attracting fresh challenges that are more stimulating and useful than your same old predictable dilemmas.


My DAILY TEXT MESSAGE HOROSCOPES are short, sweet bursts of illumination delivered seven days a week to your cell phone or mobile device.

My EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES are weekly spoken-word reports on your destiny. They're three to four minutes long.

*

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"Is it bad to live without a hell?" poet Pablo Neruda asks in The Book of Questions. Let's add these queries to his: Is it dangerous to live without the awakening force that an enemy provides? Is it naive to think you can achieve great success without the driving motivation that comes from having ideas you hate?

Consider the issue from another angle. Dentists love tooth decay. Treating cavities provides them with a steady income. Likewise, exterminators are dependent on termites, lawyers need crime, and priests crave sinners. Lots of people have symbiotic connections with nasty stuff. In fact, isn't it true that most of us nurture our feelings for the things we love to despise and fear?

What's your favorite poison or adversary? Assume that your exposure to pronoia is changing you in ways that will require you to update your relationship with it. Speculate on how youíll go about this task.


 
  Verticle Oracle card Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
Climbing Mt. Everest bored the renowned mountaineer Alex Lowe, even when he did it solo without any supplemental oxygen. "Everest held none of the riddles he delighted in solving on remote walls and unnamed ice smears," wrote Outside magazine. "He preferred places that offered 'serious consequences' and little in the way of record-book glory." One of Lowe's colleagues added, "It was astonishing what Alex was able to do. And do alone, without bragging." Lowe himself once said, "The best climber is the one who has the most fun." I recommend his attitude for you right now, Capricorn. Go after the accomplishments that make your heart sing rather than those that make your ego swell.


My DAILY TEXT MESSAGE HOROSCOPES are short, sweet bursts of illumination delivered seven days a week to your cell phone or mobile device.

My EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES are weekly spoken-word reports on your destiny. They're three to four minutes long.

*

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Take inventory of the extent to which your "No" reflex dominates your life. Notice for 24 hours (even in your dreams) how often you say or think:

"No."

"Thatís not right."

"I donít like them."

"I donít agree with that."

"They donít like me."

"That should be different from what it is."

Then retrain yourself to say "YES" at least 51 percent of the time. Start the transformation by saying "YES" aloud 22 times right now.



 
  Verticle Oracle card Aquarius (January 20- February 18)
In 1945, violinist Yehudi Menuhin and pianist Benjamin Britten played their music for the recently freed inmates of the Belsen concentration camp in Germany. I urge you to make them your role models in the coming week. Give a generous sampling of your finest talents to those less fortunate than you, or to someone who has just escaped a harrowing ordeal. Aside from the blessing that will bestow on the recipient, it will also set in motion beneficial developments in your own life.


My DAILY TEXT MESSAGE HOROSCOPES are short, sweet bursts of illumination delivered seven days a week to your cell phone or mobile device.

My EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES are weekly spoken-word reports on your destiny. They're three to four minutes long.

*

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George prayed every day for three years to win the lottery, but never heard from God or hit the jackpot.
Finally, God woke him up in the middle of the night. "George, is that you who's been praying so hard to win the lottery?" the Supreme Being boomed.
"Yes, Lord, desperately!"
God paused for a moment, then said thoughtfully, "George, I'll tell you what. I want you to meet me halfway. Buy a ticket, OK?"
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.


 
  Verticle Oracle card Pisces (February 19-March 18)
Everyone has about 1,500 dreams a year. Of those, maybe 1,420 are confusing, indecipherable, and can't be mined for valuable revelations about the inner workings of your psyche by even the most skilled dream interpreter. That leaves 80 intensely useful letters to your conscious self from your deep unconscious. Any one of them could break you out of self-defeating patterns and transform your life forever. This week there's an especially high likelihood that your nightly adventures will be beautiful teachings that are coherent enough to recall. What do you plan to do about it?


My DAILY TEXT MESSAGE HOROSCOPES are short, sweet bursts of illumination delivered seven days a week to your cell phone or mobile device.

My EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES are weekly spoken-word reports on your destiny. They're three to four minutes long.

*

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Is it really healthy to have a shrill, 25-words-or-less opinion about everything, as radio and TV talk shows seem to imply? Would anyone mind if now and then you served as a compassionate witness about the hot-button issues? Is it conceivable that you could simply sit on the fence in the midst of the wars of words and beam articulate sympathy at both sides?

Yes, you can. You have the rebellious resourcefulness to be a freedom fighter without hating anyone. Go out and prove it.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.



 
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