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Aries Leo Sagittarius
Taurus Virgo Capricorn
Gemini Libra Aquarius
Cancer Scorpio Pisces
 
 
Horoscopes for week of October 31, 2013

Verticle Oracle card Aries (March 21-April 19)
Once when I was hiking through Maui's rain forest, I spied a majestic purple honohono flower sprouting from a rotting log. As I bent down close, I inhaled the merged aromas of moldering wood and sweet floral fragrance. Let's make this scene your metaphor of the week, Aries. Here's why: A part of your life that is in the throes of decay can serve as host for a magnificent bloom. What has been lost to you may become the source of fertility. Halloween costume suggestion: a garbage man or cleaning maid wearing a crown of roses.


Want to hear more about the subconscious factors and hidden forces that may be influencing your life? Listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Imagine that the whole world belongs to you. The birch trees in New Hampshire's White Mountains are yours, and so are the cirrus clouds in the western sky at dusk and the black sand on the beaches of Hawaii's Big Island. You own everything, my dear sovereign -- the paintings in all the museums of the world, as well as the Internet and the wild horses and the eight-lane highways.

Please take good care of it all, OK? Be an enlightened monarch who treats your domain with reverent responsibility. And make sure you also enjoy the full measure of fun that comes with such mastery. Glide through life as if all of creation is yearning to honor and entertain you.



 
  Verticle Oracle card Taurus (April 20-May 20)
What don't you like? Get clear about that. What don't you want to do? Make definitive decisions. What kind of person do you not want to become and what life do you never want to live? Resolve those questions with as much certainty as possible. Write it all down, preferably in the form of a contract with yourself. Sign the contract. This document will be your sacred promise, a declaration of the boundaries you won't cross and the activities you won't waste your time on and the desires that aren't worthy of you. It will feed your freedom to know exactly what you like and what you want to accomplish and who you want to become. Halloween costume suggestion: the opposite of who you really are.


To further explore the ripening blessings and interesting challenges in your life, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Even if you don't call yourself an artist, you have the potential to be a dynamic creator who is always hatching new plans, coming up with fresh ideas, and shifting your approach to everything you do as you adjust to life's ceaseless invitation to change.

It's to this part of you -- the restless, inventive spirit -- that I address the following: Unleash yourself! Don't be satisfied with the world the way it is; don't sit back passively and blankly complain about the dead weight of the mediocre status quo. Instead, call on your curiosity and charisma and expressiveness and lust for life as you tinker with and rebuild everything you see so that it's in greater harmony with the laws of love and more hospitable to your soul's code.



 
  Verticle Oracle card Gemini (May 21-June 20)
Are you up for an experiment? Not just on Halloween, but for a week afterwards, be scarier than your fears. If an anxious thought pops into your mind, bare your teeth and growl, "Get out of here or I will rip you to shreds!" If a demon visits you in a nightly dream, chase after it with a torch and sword, screaming "Begone, foul spirit, or I will burn your mangy ass!" Don't tolerate bullying in any form, whether it comes from a critical little voice in your head or from supposedly nice people who are trying to guilt-trip you. "I am a brave conqueror who cannot be intimidated!" is what you could say, or "I am a monster of love and goodness who will defeat all threats to my integrity!"


Need more whacks applied to your mental blocks? More caresses bestowed upon your growing edge? Listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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The ancient Greek word klimax had several meanings. Here's the Beauty and Truth Lab's favorite definition: a ladder to heaven by which a dreamer's soul ascends to have an erotic tryst with a divine being who imparts fascinating secrets. Before you go to bed on the next five nights, tell your subconscious mind that you want to get yourself a klimax like that.



 
  Verticle Oracle card Cancer (June 21-July 22)
Are you ready to be amazed? Now would be an excellent time to shed your soul's infantile illusions . . . to play wildly with the greatest mystery you know . . . to accept gifts that enhance your freedom and refuse gifts that don't . . . to seek out a supernatural encounter that heals your chronic sadness . . . to consort and converse with sexy magical spirits from the future . . . to make love with the lights on and cry when you come. Halloween costume suggestion: the archetypal LOVER.


Where do you want to go? Who do you want to be? For more clues, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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In the Beauty and Truth Lab parlance, "Uber-Fun" (always capitalized) refers to righteous delight that inspires you to shed limiting beliefs, thereby making you trickier, smarter, kinder, and wilder. Go out and have some Uber-Fun.



 
  Verticle Oracle card Leo (July 23-August 22)
Some people in your vicinity are smoldering and fuming. The air is heavy with emotional ferment. Conspiracy theories are ripening and rotting at the same time. Hidden agendas are seeping into conversations, and gossip is swirling like ghostly dust devils. Yet in the midst of this mayhem, an eerie calm possesses you. As everyone else struggles, you're poised and full of grace. To what do we owe this stability? I suspect it has to do with the fact that life is showing you how to feel at home in the world no matter what's happening around you. Keep making yourself receptive to these teachings. Halloween costume suggestion: King or Queen of Relaxation.


Would you like to hear me say some more about your ever-evolving destiny? Check out your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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ARGUMENTS WITH GOD is the only organization on the planet that specializes in the art of debating with the Creator. Our trained Prayer Warriors are standing by, ready to deliver the protests and complaints that you want to convey. Send your mad, rebellious, poignant appeals to [email protected], and we will relay them directly to the Cosmic Trickster with persuasive eloquence. Write your first draft.


 
  Verticle Oracle card Virgo (August 23-September 22)
Unification should be a key theme for you in the coming weeks. Anything you do that promotes splicing and blending and harmonizing will get extra help, sometimes from mysterious forces working behind the scenes. The more you work to find common ground between opposing sides, the stronger you'll feel and the better you'll look. If you can manage to mend schisms and heal wounds, unexpected luck will flow into your life. To encourage these developments, consider these Halloween disguises: a roll of tape, a stick of Krazy Glue, a wound that's healing, a bridge.


Need more help deciphering the riddles and enigmas that are fueling your amazing story? Listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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The Mystic Chaos Wizard Helper says: Close one eye. Tap your forehead twice with your left palm. Think of a memory in which you found something you'd lost. Lick your lips and murmur the words "Love Whisperer." Insert your middle finger in the "Delight-O-Meter" slot. Keep your finger there until the "Passion Lamp" turns on. Flash. Flash. Flash. Thank you. Now write the first thing that comes into your heart's mind.



 
  Verticle Oracle card Libra (September 23-October 22)
What do you think you'd be like if you were among the one-percent-wealthiest people on Earth? Would you demand that your government raise your taxes so you could contribute more to our collective well-being? Would you live simply and cheaply so you'd have more money to donate to charities and other worthy causes? This Halloween season, I suggest you play around with fantasies like that -- maybe even masquerade as an incredibly rich philanthropist who doles out cash and gifts everywhere you go. At the very least, imagine what it would be like if you had everything you needed and felt so grateful you shared your abundance freely.


No one knows you better than you do, but maybe I can help you dig up even more self-knowledge. Listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Naturalist John Burroughs may have been addressing your current needs when he wrote the following: "The lesson which life constantly enforces is 'Look underfoot.' You are always nearer to the true sources of your power than you think. The lure of the distant and the difficult is deceptive. The great opportunity is where you are. Every place is the center of the world."


 
  Verticle Oracle card Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
What if you had the power to enchant and even bewitch people with your charisma? Would you wield your allure without mercy? Would you feel wicked delight in their attraction to you, even if you didn't plan to give them what they want? I suspect these questions aren't entirely rhetorical right now. You may have more mojo at your disposal than you realize. Speaking for your conscience, I will ask you not to desecrate your privilege. If you must manipulate people, do it for their benefit as well as yours. Use your raw magic responsibly. Halloween costume suggestion: a mesmerizing guru; an irresistible diva; a stage magician.


Wouldn't you love to learn more about who you really are? What better adventure is there than learning about your soul's code? For more hints, listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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You're hereby invited to join the Clandestine Indigenous Revolutionary Committee Devoted to the Ingenious Liberation of All Sentient Beings. To signify your desire to sign up, simply perform an act of crafty compassion that reduces someone's suffering.



 
  Verticle Oracle card Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
I had a dream that you were in the film O Brother, Where Art Thou? You were like the character played by George Clooney after he escaped from a prison chain gang. Can you picture it? You were wearing a striped jailbird suit, and a ball and chain were still cuffed around your ankle. But you were sort of free, too. You were on the lam, making your way from adventure to adventure as you eluded those who would throw you back in the slammer. You were not yet in the clear, but you seemed to be en route to total emancipation. I think this dream is an apt metaphorical depiction of your actual life right now. Could you somehow use it in designing your Halloween costume?


I hope the oracle above provides you with the inspiration you need to do what you've got to do and change what needs to be changed. But if you need more clues, listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE, where I go further in exploring your mysteries.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Where exactly is Hell in relation to Heaven, anyway? Is it the equivalent of a billion light-years away? Or are they located within shouting distance of each other? Lots of ancient religious texts suggest the latter. Yalkut Koheleth, a Jewish commentary on the Biblical book Ecclesiastes, claimed the two domains were just "a hand-breadth apart." In Greek myth, the blessed Elysian Fields were situated right next door to Hades. "The doors to heaven and hell are adjacent and identical," wrote Nikos Kazantzakis, "both green, both beautiful."


 
  Verticle Oracle card Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
I invite you to try the following exercise. Imagine the most powerful role you could realistically attain in the future. This is a position or niche or job that will authorize you to wield your influence to the max. It will give you the clout to shape the environments you share with other people. It will allow you to freely express your important ideas and have them be treated seriously. Let your imagination run a little wild as you visualize the possibilities. Incorporate your visions into your Halloween costume.


For more help in understanding your relationship with the game of life, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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The alchemists said the magic formula for enlightenment was Visita Inferiora Terrae Rectificando Invenies Occultum Lapidem, or "Seek out the lower reaches of the earth, perfect them, and you will find the hidden stone" -- the treasured philosopher's stone. Jungian psychologists might describe the process this way: Engage in a relationship with the blind and sickly parts of yourself, perfect them, and you will awaken your hidden divinity.



 
  Verticle Oracle card Aquarius (January 20- February 18)
In the course of earning a living, I have worked four different jobs as a janitor and six as a dishwasher. On the brighter side, I have performed as a songwriter and lead singer for six rock bands and currently write a syndicated astrology column. According to my analysis of the astrological omens, you Aquarians are primed to cultivate a relationship with your work life that is more like my latter choices than the former. The next eight months will be a favorable time to ensure that you'll be doing your own personal equivalent of rock singer or astrology columnist well into the future. Halloween costume suggestion: your dream job.


Would you like further inspiration as you scheme and dream to make the most of life's sometimes puzzling opportunities? Listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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"Objection, evasion, joyous distrust, and love of irony are signs of health. Everything absolute belongs to pathology." So proclaimed Friedrich Nietzsche in Beyond Good and Evil. Note well that he used the adjective "joyous" to describe distrust, not "cynical" or "grumbling" or "sour." The key to remaining vital and strong while questioning every so-called absolute is to cultivate a cheerful, buoyant mood as you do it.


 
  Verticle Oracle card Pisces (February 19-March 18)
Author Robert Louis Stevenson loved the work of poet Walt Whitman, recommending it with the same enthusiasm as he did Shakespeare's. Stevenson also regarded Whitman as an unruly force of nature, and in one famous passage, called him "a large shaggy dog, just unchained, scouring the beaches of the world and baying at the moon." Your assignment is to do your best imitation of a primal creature like Whitman. In fact, consider being him for Halloween. Maybe you could memorize passages from Whitman's Leaves of Grass and recite them at random moments. Here's one: "I too am not a bit tamed, I too am untranslatable, / I sound my barbaric YAWP over the roofs of the world."


What exactly are you looking for? How would you describe the experiences you want more than anything else? It's possible my EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE could give you additional help in figuring that out.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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You know about the Russian physiologist Ivan Pavlov, who discovered the conditioned reflex. In his famous experiment, he trained laboratory dogs to salivate at the sound of a bell.

You may not have heard, though, about the story's surprise ending. The dogs were programmed for weeks with such rigor that their behavior became as predictable as machines. Then one day a flood inundated the lab. In the confusion, the dogs forgot all their training instantly. (Source: Raoul Vaneigem, The Revolution of Everyday Life)



 
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