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Horoscopes for week of July 23, 2015

Verticle Oracle card Aries (March 21-April 19)
The Latin motto "Carpe diem" shouldn't be translated as "Seize the day!", says author Nicholson Baker. It's not a battle cry exhorting you to "freaking grab the day in your fist like a burger at a fairground and take a big chomping bite out of it." The proper translation, according to Baker, is "Pluck the day." In other words, "you should gently pull on the day’s stem, as if it were a wildflower, holding it with all the practiced care of your thumb and the side of your finger, which knows how to not crush easily crushed things -- so that the day's stem undergoes increasing tension and draws to a tightness, and then snaps softly away at its weakest point, and the flower is released in your hand." Keep that in mind, Aries. I understand you are often tempted to seize rather than pluck, but these days plucking is the preferable approach.

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Here's a gathering of all the Long-Range, Big-Picture horoscopes I've written for you this year. Check to see if they are relevant to the way your life has been unfolding so far in 2015.

For one more week, you can also hear a LONG-TERM, BIG-PICTURE AUDIO PREVIEW for the REST of 2015 and beyond. Sign up and/or log in here, then click on "Long-Term Forecast for Second Half of 2015." If you'd just like a report for the short-term future, click on "This week (July 21, 2015)."

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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In the Beauty and Truth Lab parlance, "Uber-Fun" (always capitalized) refers to righteous delight that inspires you to shed limiting beliefs, thereby making you trickier, smarter, kinder, and wilder. Go out and have some Uber-Fun.



 
  Verticle Oracle card Taurus (April 20-May 20)
When I talk about "The Greatest Story Never Told," I'm not referring to the documentary film about singer Lana Del Rey or the debut album of the rap artist Saigon or any other cultural artifact. I am, instead, referring to a part of your past that you have never owned and understood . . . a phase from the old days that you have partially suppressed . . . an intense set of memories you have not fully integrated. I say it's time for you to deal with this shadow. You're finally ready to acknowledge it and treasure it as a crucial thread in the drama of your hero's journey.

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Here's a gathering of all the Long-Range, Big-Picture horoscopes I've written for you this year. Check to see if they are relevant to the way your life has been unfolding so far in 2015.

For one more week, you can also hear a LONG-TERM, BIG-PICTURE AUDIO PREVIEW for the REST of 2015 and beyond. Sign up and/or log in here, then click on "Long-Term Forecast for Second Half of 2015." If you'd just like a report for the short-term future, click on "This week (July 21, 2015)."

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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ARGUMENTS WITH GOD is the only organization on the planet that specializes in the art of debating with the Creator. Our trained Prayer Warriors are standing by, ready to deliver the protests and complaints that you want to convey. Send your mad, rebellious, poignant appeals to [email protected], and we will relay them directly to the Cosmic Trickster with persuasive eloquence. Write your first draft.



 
  Verticle Oracle card Gemini (May 21-June 20)
The ancient Greek philosopher Thales is credited as being one of the earliest mathematicians and scientists. He was a deep thinker whose thirst for knowledge was hard to quench. Funny story: Once he went out at night for a walk. Gazing intently up at the sky, he contemplated the mysteries of the stars. Oops! He didn't watch where he was going, and fell down into a well. He was OK, but embarrassed. Let's make him your anti-role model, Gemini. I would love to encourage you to unleash your lust to be informed, educated, and inspired -- but only if you watch where you're going.

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Here's a gathering of all the Long-Range, Big-Picture horoscopes I've written for you this year. Check to see if they are relevant to the way your life has been unfolding so far in 2015.

For one more week, you can also hear a LONG-TERM, BIG-PICTURE AUDIO PREVIEW for the REST of 2015 and beyond. Sign up and/or log in here, then click on "Long-Term Forecast for Second Half of 2015." If you'd just like a report for the short-term future, click on "This week (July 21, 2015)."

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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The Mystic Chaos Wizard Helper says: Close one eye. Tap your forehead twice with your left palm. Think of a memory in which you found something you'd lost. Lick your lips and murmur the words "Love Whisperer." Insert your middle finger in the "Delight-O-Meter" slot. Keep your finger there until the "Passion Lamp" turns on. Flash. Flash. Flash. Thank you. Now write the first thing that comes into your heart's mind.



 
  Verticle Oracle card Cancer (June 21-July 22)
Charles Darwin is best known for his book The Origin of Species, which contains his seminal ideas about evolutionary biology. But while he was still alive, his best-seller was The Formation of Vegetable Mould Through the Action of Worms. The painstaking result of over forty years' worth of research, it is a tribute to the noble earthworm and that creature's crucial role in the health of soil and plants. It provides a different angle on one of Darwin's central concerns: how small, incremental transformations that take place over extended periods of time can have monumental effects. This also happens to be one of your key themes in the coming months.

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Here's a gathering of all the Long-Range, Big-Picture horoscopes I've written for you this year. Check to see if they are relevant to the way your life has been unfolding so far in 2015.

For one more week, you can also hear a LONG-TERM, BIG-PICTURE AUDIO PREVIEW for the REST of 2015 and beyond. Sign up and/or log in here, then click on "Long-Term Forecast for Second Half of 2015." If you'd just like a report for the short-term future, click on "This week (July 21, 2015)."

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Naturalist John Burroughs may have been addressing your current needs when he wrote the following: "The lesson which life constantly enforces is 'Look underfoot.' You are always nearer to the true sources of your power than you think. The lure of the distant and the difficult is deceptive. The great opportunity is where you are. Every place is the center of the world."



 
  Verticle Oracle card Leo (July 23-August 22)
A researcher at the University of Amsterdam developed software to read the emotions on faces. He used it to analyze the expression of the woman in Leonardo da Vinci's famous painting, the Mona Lisa. The results suggest that she is 83 percent happy, 9 percent disgusted, 6 percent fearful, and 2 percent angry. Whether or not this assessment is accurate, I appreciate its implication that we humans are rarely filled with a single pure emotion. We often feel a variety of states simultaneously. In this spirit, I have calculated your probably mix for the coming days: 16 percent relieved, 18 percent innocent, 12 percent confused, 22 percent liberated, 23 percent ambitious, and 9 percent impatient.

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Here's a gathering of all the Long-Range, Big-Picture horoscopes I've written for you this year. Check to see if they are relevant to the way your life has been unfolding so far in 2015.

For one more week, you can also hear a LONG-TERM, BIG-PICTURE AUDIO PREVIEW for the REST of 2015 and beyond. Sign up and/or log in here, then click on "Long-Term Forecast for Second Half of 2015." If you'd just like a report for the short-term future, click on "This week (July 21, 2015)."

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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You're hereby invited to join the Clandestine Indigenous Revolutionary Committee Devoted to the Ingenious Liberation of All Sentient Beings. To signify your desire to sign up, simply perform an act of crafty compassion that reduces someone's suffering.


 
  Verticle Oracle card Virgo (August 23-September 22)
"What makes you heroic?" asked philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche. Here's how he answered himself: "simultaneously going out to meet your highest suffering and your highest hope." This is an excellent way to sum up the test that would inspire you most in the coming weeks, Virgo. Are you up for the challenge? If so, grapple with your deepest pain. Make a fierce effort to both heal it and be motivated by it. At the same time, identify your brightest hope and take a decisive step toward fulfilling it.

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Here's a gathering of all the Long-Range, Big-Picture horoscopes I've written for you this year. Check to see if they are relevant to the way your life has been unfolding so far in 2015.

For one more week, you can also hear a LONG-TERM, BIG-PICTURE AUDIO PREVIEW for the REST of 2015 and beyond. Sign up and/or log in here, then click on "Long-Term Forecast for Second Half of 2015." If you'd just like a report for the short-term future, click on "This week (July 21, 2015)."

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Where exactly is Hell in relation to Heaven, anyway? Is it the equivalent of a billion light-years away? Or are they located within shouting distance of each other? Lots of ancient religious texts suggest the latter. Yalkut Koheleth, a Jewish commentary on the Biblical book Ecclesiastes, claimed the two domains were just "a hand-breadth apart." In Greek myth, the blessed Elysian Fields were situated right next door to Hades. "The doors to heaven and hell are adjacent and identical," wrote Nikos Kazantzakis, "both green, both beautiful."



 
  Verticle Oracle card Libra (September 23-October 22)
Actress and musician Carrie Brownstein was born with five planets in Libra. Those who aren't conversant with astrology's mysteries may conclude that she is a connoisseur of elegance and harmony. Even professional stargazers who know how tricky it is to make generalizations might speculate that she is skilled at cultivating balance, attuned to the needs of others, excited by beauty, and adaptive to life's ceaseless change. So what are we to make of the fact that Brownstein has said, "I really don't know what to do when my life is not chaotic"? Here's what I suspect: In her ongoing exertions to thrive on chaos, she is learning how to be a connoisseur of elegance and harmony as she masters the intricacies of being balanced, sensitive to others, thrilled by beauty, and adaptive to change. This is important for you to hear about right now.

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Here's a gathering of all the Long-Range, Big-Picture horoscopes I've written for you this year. Check to see if they are relevant to the way your life has been unfolding so far in 2015.

For one more week, you can also hear a LONG-TERM, BIG-PICTURE AUDIO PREVIEW for the REST of 2015 and beyond. Sign up and/or log in here, then click on "Long-Term Forecast for Second Half of 2015." If you'd just like a report for the short-term future, click on "This week (July 21, 2015)."

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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The alchemists said the magic formula for enlightenment was Visita Inferiora Terrae Rectificando Invenies Occultum Lapidem, or "Seek out the lower reaches of the earth, perfect them, and you will find the hidden stone" -- the treasured philosopher's stone. Jungian psychologists might describe the process this way: Engage in a relationship with the blind and sickly parts of yourself, perfect them, and you will awaken your hidden divinity.


 
  Verticle Oracle card Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
You're entering a volatile phase of your cycle. In the coming weeks, you could become a beguiling monster who leaves a confusing mess in your wake. On the other hand, you could activate the full potential of your animal intelligence as you make everything you touch more interesting and soulful. I am, of course, rooting for the latter outcome. Here's a secret about how to ensure it: Be as ambitious to gain power over your own darkness as you are to gain power over what happens on your turf.

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Here's a gathering of all the Long-Range, Big-Picture horoscopes I've written for you this year. Check to see if they are relevant to the way your life has been unfolding so far in 2015.

For one more week, you can also hear a LONG-TERM, BIG-PICTURE AUDIO PREVIEW for the REST of 2015 and beyond. Sign up and/or log in here, then click on "Long-Term Forecast for Second Half of 2015." If you'd just like a report for the short-term future, click on "This week (July 21, 2015)."

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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"Objection, evasion, joyous distrust, and love of irony are signs of health. Everything absolute belongs to pathology." So proclaimed Friedrich Nietzsche in Beyond Good and Evil. Note well that he used the adjective "joyous" to describe distrust, not "cynical" or "grumbling" or "sour." The key to remaining vital and strong while questioning every so-called absolute is to cultivate a cheerful, buoyant mood as you do it.



 
  Verticle Oracle card Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
I'm a big fan of the attitude summed up by the command "Be here now!" The world would be more like a sanctuary and less like a battleground if people focused more on the present moment rather than on memories of the past and fantasies of the future. But in accordance with the astrological omens, you are hereby granted a temporary exemption from the "Be here how!" approach. You have a poetic license to dream and scheme profusely about what you want your life to be like in the future. Your word of power is tomorrow.

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Here's a gathering of all the Long-Range, Big-Picture horoscopes I've written for you this year. Check to see if they are relevant to the way your life has been unfolding so far in 2015.

For one more week, you can also hear a LONG-TERM, BIG-PICTURE AUDIO PREVIEW for the REST of 2015 and beyond. Sign up and/or log in here, then click on "Long-Term Forecast for Second Half of 2015." If you'd just like a report for the short-term future, click on "This week (July 21, 2015)."

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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You may not have heard, though, about the story's surprise ending. The dogs were programmed for weeks with such rigor that their behavior became as predictable as machines. Then one day a flood inundated the lab. In the confusion, the dogs forgot all their training instantly. (Source: Raoul Vaneigem, The Revolution of Everyday Life)


 
  Verticle Oracle card Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
A philanthropist offered $100,000 to the Girls Scouts chapter of Western Washington. But there were strings attached. The donor specified that the money couldn't be used to support transgender girls. The Girl Scouts rejected the gift, declaring their intention to empower every girl "regardless of her gender identity, socioeconomic status, race, ethnicity, or sexual orientation." Do you have that much spunk, Capricorn? Would you turn down aid that would infringe on your integrity? You may be tested soon. Here's what I suspect: If you are faithful to your deepest values, even if that has a cost, you will ultimately attract an equal blessing that doesn't require you to sell out. (P.S. The Girls Scouts subsequently launched an Indiegogo campaign that raised more than $300,000.)

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Here's a gathering of all the Long-Range, Big-Picture horoscopes I've written for you this year. Check to see if they are relevant to the way your life has been unfolding so far in 2015.

For one more week, you can also hear a LONG-TERM, BIG-PICTURE AUDIO PREVIEW for the REST of 2015 and beyond. Sign up and/or log in here, then click on "Long-Term Forecast for Second Half of 2015." If you'd just like a report for the short-term future, click on "This week (July 21, 2015)."

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Imagine that the whole world belongs to you. The birch trees in New Hampshire's White Mountains are yours, and so are the cirrus clouds in the western sky at dusk and the black sand on the beaches of Hawaii's Big Island. You own everything, my dear sovereign -- the paintings in all the museums of the world, as well as the Internet and the wild horses and the eight-lane highways.

Please take good care of it all, OK? Be an enlightened monarch who treats your domain with reverent responsibility. And make sure you also enjoy the full measure of fun that comes with such mastery. Glide through life as if all of creation is yearning to honor and entertain you.



 
  Verticle Oracle card Aquarius (January 20- February 18)
Consider the possibility of opening your mind, at least briefly, to provocative influences you have closed yourself off from. You may need to refamiliarize yourself with potential resources you have been resisting or ignoring, even if they are problematic. I'm not saying you should blithely welcome them in. There still may be good reasons to keep your distance. But I think it would be wise and healthy for you to update your relationship with them.

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Here's a gathering of all the Long-Range, Big-Picture horoscopes I've written for you this year. Check to see if they are relevant to the way your life has been unfolding so far in 2015.

For one more week, you can also hear a LONG-TERM, BIG-PICTURE AUDIO PREVIEW for the REST of 2015 and beyond. Sign up and/or log in here, then click on "Long-Term Forecast for Second Half of 2015." If you'd just like a report for the short-term future, click on "This week (July 21, 2015)."

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Even if you don't call yourself an artist, you have the potential to be a dynamic creator who is always hatching new plans, coming up with fresh ideas, and shifting your approach to everything you do as you adjust to life's ceaseless invitation to change.

It's to this part of you -- the restless, inventive spirit -- that I address the following: Unleash yourself! Don't be satisfied with the world the way it is; don't sit back passively and blankly complain about the dead weight of the mediocre status quo. Instead, call on your curiosity and charisma and expressiveness and lust for life as you tinker with and rebuild everything you see so that it's in greater harmony with the laws of love and more hospitable to your soul's code.


 
  Verticle Oracle card Pisces (February 19-March 18)
Over 10,000 species of mushrooms grow in North America. About 125 of those, or 1.25 percent, are tasty and safe to eat. All the others are unappetizing or poisonous, or else their edibility is in question. By my reckoning, a similar statistical breakdown should apply to the influences that are floating your way. I advise you to focus intently on those very few that you know for a fact are pleasurable and vitalizing. Make yourself unavailable for the rest.

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Here's a gathering of all the Long-Range, Big-Picture horoscopes I've written for you this year. Check to see if they are relevant to the way your life has been unfolding so far in 2015.

For one more week, you can also hear a LONG-TERM, BIG-PICTURE AUDIO PREVIEW for the REST of 2015 and beyond. Sign up and/or log in here, then click on "Long-Term Forecast for Second Half of 2015." If you'd just like a report for the short-term future, click on "This week (July 21, 2015)."

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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The ancient Greek word klimax had several meanings. Here's the Beauty and Truth Lab's favorite definition: a ladder to heaven by which a dreamer's soul ascends to have an erotic tryst with a divine being who imparts fascinating secrets. Before you go to bed on the next five nights, tell your subconscious mind that you want to get yourself a klimax like that.



 
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