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Virgo Horoscope for week of July 28, 2016

Verticle Oracle card Virgo (August 23-September 22)
You have just begun your big test. How are you doing so far? According to my analysis, the preliminary signs suggest that you have a good chance of proving the old maxim, "If it doesn't make you so crazy that you put your clothes on inside-out and try to kiss the sky until you cry, it will help you win one of your biggest arguments with Life." In fact, I suspect we will ultimately see you undergo at least one miraculous and certifiably melodramatic transformation. A wart on your attitude could dissolve, for example. A luminous visitation may heal one of your blind spots. You might find a satisfactory substitute for kissing the sky.

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All of creation loves you very much. Even now, people you know and people you don't know are collaborating to make sure you have all you need to make your next smart move. But are you willing to start loving life back with an equal intensity? The adoration it offers you has not exactly been unrequited, but there is room for you to be more demonstrative. For help in cultivating this approach, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Review in painstaking detail the history of your life, honoring every moment as if you were conducting a benevolent Judgment Day.

Forgive yourself of every mistake except one.

Create a royal crown for yourself out of a shower cap, rubber bands, and light bulbs.

Think of the last place on earth you'd ever want to visit, and visualize yourself having fun there.

Test to see if people are really listening to you by asserting that Karl Marx was one of the Marx Brothers.

Track down people who are impossible to love, and love them defiantly without expecting anything in return.

Steal lint from dryers in laundromats and use it to make animal sculptures for someone you admire.

Fantasize you're the child of divine parents who abandoned you when you were two days old, but who will soon be coming back to reunite with you.

Once a year, say these words into a mirror: "It's bad luck to be superstitious."


 
 

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