If you dream of a three-legged dog
nipping at your leg just in time
to nudge you clear of a flowerpot
that has fallen off a third-story window sill,
it means
a dormant part of your genius is waking up.

If you dream you're a mute, wheelchair-bound princess
who inherits the war-torn crown of Slavonia
when your father dies
during rough sex with your stepmother,
the evil queen Katarina,
a terribly ambitious former prostitute,
it means
that in your waking life
you should seek out some high-quality boredom.

If you dream of having fat cells
from your butt
injected in your forehead
to smooth out the wrinkles
it means
you should go outside at night
and spit in the direction
of the heavenly body that's responsible
for the star-crossed fate you want to escape.

If you dream of gangs of wealthy feminists
fomenting sex riots
in order to liberate the political force
of the female orgasm,
it means
you're ready to master the art of thinking with your heart.

If you dream that you are naked
in front of a large crowd
and crying out, "Help me, mommy,"
it means
you should commune more
with the Televisionary Oracle.

The Televisionary Oracle
is brought to you by
the salt water in your blood
the medicine in your tears
and
the lightning in your brain.