 |
||||
|
 Return to chapter index
How I Got Started in the Horoscope Writing Business
|
Chapter 33
The Televisionary Oracle
is brought to you by the Menstrual Temple of the Funky Grail Purveyors of primordial gossip Lobbyists for the Cackling Vulture Goddess Sponsors of the Dream of the Month Club Organizers of Zen Pride Week Trainers of the sacred janitors of The Eater of Cruelty
The world's first think tank
A pack of anonymous celebrities
A multinational corporate band of guerrilla builders As you glide closer towards invoking the exact intimacy you need, we'd like to offer you a few love spells. 1. While standing in a mud puddle and hugging yourself, dissolve a four-leaf clover on your tongue and visualize yourself riding piggyback on the one you love. 2. Draw a picture of copulating hummingbirds on a dollar bill and then tape it to a road sign on a street with a sexy name. 3. While standing on top of a mobile home wearing all red clothes, hurl a stolen meteorite as far as you can as you shout out the name of your beloved. 4. Using green food dye, write your initials and those of your beloved on a cake, then bury it in the woods along with your favorite book from childhood. 5. Forget all about trying to glom on to your perfect mate and instead make yourself into a perfect mate.
The doctor is sick.
Mommy needs some mothering. The fire truck is on fire and the therapist is crazy. But don't worry. The Televisionary Oracle is here to help you use your nightmares to become rich and famous.
|
|||
© 1995-2008 -- Rob Brezsny. All rights reserved
|
||||